Okay
by xoxonessie
Summary: Tony had told her Tali was expecting her, that she didn't need to worry, but standing behind the closed door of the Parisian apartment, anxiety, excitement and anticipation made her heart beat faster and she felt her legs tremble. "Okay. I can do this. How bad can it go really? I'm her mother. It will be fine."


Tony had told her Tali was expecting her, that she didn't need to worry, but standing behind the closed door of the Parisian apartment, anxiety, excitement and anticipation made her heart beat faster and she felt her legs tremble. _"Okay. I can do this. How bad can it go really? I'm her mother. It will be fine."_, she whispered to herself before taking a few deep breaths and raising her hand to knock at the door.

It opened before her fist even touched the wooden panel and Tony greeted her with a knowing look on his face. "I was starting to wonder if you were _ever_ gonna knock."

She shrugged and offered him a shy smile. "I was. I just… I needed a moment."

Tony nodded. "Ready now?"

One last deep breath. "Yes."

She stepped into the living-room, following Tony to the kitchen where Tali was just finishing her dessert. Chocolate, it seemed, if the brown creamy moustache above her lips was any indication.

Ziva froze in her steps at the sight in front of her. She had seen pictures of Tali, dozens of them, on Tony's phone when they first met a couple weeks ago in DC, but nothing could have done justice to the image of her living, breathing, in-the-flesh little girl, curls loose and wild around her face, brown eyes fixated on the over-the-top-full spoon going back and forth between the pot and her mouth, focus evident on her frowned little forehead. Gosh, she was so beautiful. It was breath-taking, earth-shattering, surreal. She could not understand how she could have created something so perfect. Yes, she _made_ her. She really was _hers_. Her eyes started to water, and it was Tony's voice that took her out of her reverie. She blinked rapidly, pushing the tears back, and turned her gaze to him.

"Okay, Munchkin, much better." He had sat Tali up on the countertop and was finishing wiping the chocolate off her face. "Let me see? Give me a smile? Perfect! Might be my best work yet!", he commented, as the little girl did as she was told, giggling, obviously used to her father's antics.

Ziva couldn't stop a soft laugh from escaping her mouth and Tony suddenly turned his attention back to her, as if he had forgotten for a minute that she was actually there, watching their perfectly-oiled post-dinner routine. She couldn't help feeling like a bit of an outsider and she was left with an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

Tony cleared his throat and sat back down in front of his daughter. He tenderly tucked one of her locks behind her ear with one hand and took one of Tali's in his other one.

"Tali, baby? Remember when I told you someone was here to see you? "Tali nodded. "Remember who I said it was?"

"You said it was Ima." Tali answered, her gaze fixated on her father, oblivious to the presence of another person in the room.

"Yes, Tali. Ima. And Ima is _here_. Look." He pointed his finger at Ziva, who stood up straight, her hands clasped together in front of herself.

_Smile. Look positive_, she commanded herself. "Hello Tali. I am so happy to see you again my love." There were so many things Ziva wanted to tell her but her voice was betraying her, already cracking with emotion and the weight of unreleased sobs caught in her throat.

And then, silence.

Heavy, embarrassed, confused silence.

Unbearable silence.

"Come on, Tali, what do we say?" Tony urged, trying his best to make the awkwardness of the moment go away.

"Hello." The little girl politely replied, more likely to entertain her father's insistence that she should be well-mannered than a truly heartfelt greeting to her long-lost mother. Ziva was not fooled and swallowed back a whole new incoming wave of tears.

She took a step forward. Slowly, cautiously, as if Tali was a deer caught in the headlights, ready to flee for her life if she moved too quickly.

It was as if she had read her mother's thoughts. The almost 6-year-old swiftly turned around to her father and leaped into his arms, clutching his neck, and buried her head in his shoulder.

"Come on, sweetheart. It's okay, you know her. It's your Ima. Don't you remember?" Tony whispered in Tali's ear as his hands rubbed her back in reassurance. He looked up at his former partner and gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry Ziva, she – I - …." He didn't know what to say and honestly, she just did not think she could take any more for the night.

"It's alright." Ziva cut him short, barely able to keep it together and the words bitter in her mouth. "She is probably tired anyway. It can wait."

Tony sighed and got up, Tali still firmly attached to his torso, and made his way out of the room.

Ziva closed her eyes, let her head fall back on the wall behind her and for the first time that day, allowed herself to let a few single tears come and fall freely on her cheeks. A disaster. It was purely and simply a disaster.

Never in a million years had she imagined that today could have been _this_ hard. Of course she wasn't as naïve as to think reuniting with her daughter would be easy, but she had not expected such a harsh reality check.

_What was I expecting? I left her. How could she want me now?_

She was exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained. She wanted to run and scream and cry. She felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. Maybe if she left right now, before both Tony and Tali got too attached to her again, they would be okay. Maybe they were better off without her after all. Maybe she made a mistake coming back. Because obviously, this wasn't working out.

She exhaled loudly and wiped the last tears from her face with the back of her hand. She pushed herself away from the wall she had been leaning on and decided that a splash of cold water would probably help her clear her mind and stop her from making any rushed decision she would inevitably regret later.

Ziva walked out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom, trying to be as silent as possible on the old creaking wooden floors. She stopped when she heard Tony's voice coming out from what she quickly identified as Tali's bedroom. Dolls and all sorts of stuffed animals were scattered everywhere in some kind of very organized mess, a tiny tea set was sitting on a small table surrounded by two matching chairs, one of them currently occupied by a familiar stuffed hippo wearing a pink hat. Ziva smiled and shook her head thinking of who it must have come from. On the wall behind Tali's bed, a framed reproduction of the book cover of The Little Prince was hanging, surrounded by identically framed pictures of Tali, Tony and Senior, capturing moments of their times together in the past years. Senior. It warmed her heart to know that the old man had been part of Tali's life and had been there for Tony more than he had ever been before.

She felt like she was stepping into a very private conversation between father and daughter and briefly thought she probably shouldn't pry but she just couldn't bring herself to walk away. For the past three years, she had imagined that very scene almost every day, wondering what Tony was like as a father, whether or not Tali had adapted well to her new life and to him, and most importantly, she had wondered if they had managed to create that special bond she had so desperately hoped would develop between them in spite of the unusual circumstances in which they had met.

Seeing Tony sitting on the edge of the tiny – yet "big-girl" – bed, speaking softly to a nicely tucked-in Tali while stroking her hair, answered that question without the shadow of a doubt. She could have sworn her heart stopped for a second there, leaving her slightly breathless with awe but profoundly relieved, as if a huge weight had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders.

Tony's voice was soft, almost imperceptible to the untrained ear, but Ziva could make out every word. If Tony had noticed her presence, he didn't let it show and went on with the hushed conversation.

"What happened there Munchkin? You were so excited to see your Ima earlier. Wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

Tali shrugged and twisted her mouth in a pensive and sort of apologetic way.

"But she didn't _look_ like Ima…" she admitted shamefully. Her intense big brown eyes – _my eyes_, Ziva noticed – shot up to her father, suddenly more suspicious. "Are you _sure_ it's her?"

Ziva suppressed a gasp. _She does not recognize me. She does not remember me._ She felt her eyes get wet again and thought that maybe she'd better not hear the end of that conversation. Her head was spinning. She was not sure how she could handle much more of it for the night.

Tony's laugh brought her back to reality.

"Oh yes, trust me, I'm sure." Seeing his daughter's doubtful expression, he put a serious face on again. "What makes you think it's not Ima?"

Tali turned to her side and pointed at the picture frame on the nightstand. A picture frame Ziva had not even noticed until then. But there it was: the black and white picture of Tony and her in Paris, in the same black frame she had chosen a lifetime ago, inches away from her daughter's face, in this whole new world, in this life she was not yet a part of. She had to grip the doorframe for a second, suddenly overwhelmed by a strange mix of love, sadness and disbelief.

"Look!" Tali placed her tiny index on Ziva's picture and with her insistent gaze, urged her father to follow her train of thought. "Look at her hair, Daddy!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Her hair? That's why you think it's not your Ima?" Tali nodded. "But, sweetheart, hair change! Look at her face, can you see it?" He took the frame from its resting place and put it in Tali's hands. "It's the same face, see? It's Ima's face."

Tali squinted at the picture, obviously not completely convinced, and shrugged again. "This is a very tiny picture Daddy, I can't see very well." Her tone was serious, with a hint of reproach. Maybe a bit of bad faith too, but Ziva definitely couldn't blame her. It _was_ a tiny picture, after all.

"Okay." Tony sighed and placed the picture back on the nightstand. They weren't getting anywhere tonight. "Can you promise you'll try again tomorrow?"

"I promise. But only if you stay with me, okay Daddy?"

"Of course I'll stay with you! Wouldn't want you to tell Ima about all the silly things I do and all the candy you charm your way out of me!" Tony winked at Tali and her laughter resonated deep into Ziva's stomach.

Tali put her index in front of her lips to signal to her father that she would keep his secret. "Don't worry Daddy, I got your six!" she assured him in a mischievous whisper.

It was Tony's turn to laugh as he kissed her daughter's forehead and pulled the covers further up until she almost disappeared under them.

"That's my girl! Alright, time to sleep now. Sweet dreams baby girl. I love you."

"I love you too Daddy."

Tali turned on her side, holding her faithful Kalev against her little body and quickly slipped into the arms of Morpheus.

Tony stood up from the edge of the small bed and rubbed his face, letting out a tired sigh in the process, before switching off the bedside lamp and turning around.

He gestured to Ziva to take a few steps back and joined her outside of the room, closing the door behind him.

"So. How about you straighten your hair for tomorrow?"

She knew he was trying to make her feel better but this time, it just wasn't doing it for her. She smiled sadly at him and walked back to the adjacent living-room.

"Ziva."

His voice was strained. He knew how hard that had been for her, he probably wasn't expecting it to be this hard either. Ziva turned around to look at him but couldn't stop a traitorous tear from escaping her eye. She wiped it away quickly but not fast enough that he wouldn't see it.

"She just needs some time. She will come around."

"I know."

And she _did_ know. She just wished it didn't have to be like that.

"I will come back tomorrow, if she is up to it. I do not want to push her too much."

Tony took a step forward and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. In his eyes, she saw how tired he was, she saw his own inner struggle at having her back here, and having to trust her for their daughter's sake, when his own pain and resentment were still pretty much gnawing at him every time he looked at her. But she also saw understanding, compassion and something she thought she would never see again. Love. A bit of the same love she had always seen in his eyes all those years ago and a bit of something else she couldn't quite describe.

She just wanted to wrap herself in his arms and never let go.

"Don't worry Ziva. It will be okay. _We_ will be okay."

Ziva tilted her head on one side and exhaled through her nose before smiling at him a little more sadly than she had intended. He was trying so hard and she was kind of feeling guilty for involuntarily making him. He had been mad at her of course, has demanded explanations and guarantees that she was not going anywhere again. But he had also been so understanding and open-minded about the whole thing that she had actually wondered when he had become so wise. She guessed it must have been somewhere between being forced to leave her in Israel after ripping his heart open for her and becoming a single parent by surprise. He was so different from the last time she had seen him, older-looking – but still pretty hot she noted -, quieter too, and definitely more grounded. Yet, he was still Tony, _her_ Tony, the man who had always had her back even when she didn't want him to, the man who went to the end of the Earth for her, _especially_ when she didn't want him to, the man she fell in love with, slowly, carefully, inevitably. God, she had missed him so much.

"You can't promise me that. What if it's too late? What if she doesn't want me anymore, Tony? What if –"

"Hey." He cut her before she would finish her sentence. "I know how you're feeling right now, but I can assure you, she's been waiting a long time for this. Her memories of you may be a bit blurry at the moment and all she had to go on was a set of old pictures that, let's be honest, aren't even remotely close to doing you any justice, and the stories I have told her. But once she realizes you're really here, for her, for good, you'll never get a second to yourself again."

She didn't know whether it was his words, or his voice, or his hands which had somehow moved up to cup her face, leaving a burning sensation on her skin, but Ziva suddenly felt like it was okay to let herself believe every word he said.

She nodded and was about to thank him when she heard a tiny creaking sound behind them. Tony heard it too. "I think we're being watched. I wonder where she got her sneaky moves from…" The wink he gave her made her roll her eyes and the familiar feeling of complicity they had been so accustomed to back in the days filled a void inside of her she had never truly known was there.

"What are you doing here, Sleepyhead?" Tony turned around and crouched in front of the messy-haired, pink pajama-clad, 44-inch-tall spy.

Tali ignored her father and fixated her not-so-sleepy eyes on her mother. Ziva would have laughed at the adorable seriousness on her daughter's face had she not been captivated by how intense her gaze actually was. She did not dare to move. It was as if time was standing still, anxiously waiting to see what was going to happen next.

As Tony was about to speak again, Tali stepped forward and walked to her mother, her eyes still not leaving her face. Ziva took the hint and kneeled on the ground. Her heart beat faster with every step Tali took towards her, which she did until she was so close Ziva could smell the delicate rose perfume emanating from the little girl's hair. It was intoxicating. Ziva closed her eyes for a second remembering how much she loved burying her nose in her baby's hair, the sense of love and comfort it would bring her, her very own little taste of Heaven on Earth.

She started when she felt the light touch of tiny fingers on her cheeks, on her nose, on her forehead, over her closed eyelids, over her lips. She could not move, paralyzed by the fear of scaring her daughter away once again and desperate to soak up in the unexpected, exquisite moment.

"Ima." Tali's voice was music in Ziva's ears, although merely a whisper. Ziva opened her eyes to discover the perfect little face of her daughter just inches from hers, studying her with the outmost concentration. "Daddy was right. It's just your hair that's different but the rest is the same, just like in the picture." It seemed to Ziva that Tali was mostly talking to herself and she did not know whether she was supposed to answer her or not. Tali made the decision for her.

"Is that _really_ you, Ima?" She looked both suspicious and hopeful and it took Ziva all of her willpower to refrain from immediately pulling her into the tight hug she had been yearning for for the past 3 years. She could not, however, hold back the tears in her eyes when she took Tali's hands in hers and answered her daughter's question.

"Yes, Tali. It is _really_ me." She could have stopped there, but she was incapable of it. "I know we have a lot of catching up to do, you and me, but I promise you, we will have all the time in the world. I am not going anywhere. I am here. I am _here_."

Tali's tight lips curled up into the most beautiful, toothy grin Ziva had ever seen in her entire life and the little girl gave her no warning before she leapt into her mother's arms, tiny arms flying around her neck and locking her into the tightest of embraces.

"Ima!" None of Ziva's training for self-control over her emotions did anything for her as she revelled in the squeal of pure joy and excitement coming out of her daughter's mouth.

"Oh I have missed you _so_ much! I love you more than you can ever know. I am so sorry I left you, my love. I am _so_ sorry." She didn't know whether she was crying tears of happiness or if it was the pain she had kept inside for years finally breaking out of her but it did not matter. She was finally holding her child, _their daughter_, in her arms and she could not care less about everything else.

Tali unclasped her hands from behind Ziva's head and put her hands on her mother's shoulders, much like Tony had only a few minutes before. _Gosh_, she was just so much like him. No, she was _all_ him.

"It's okay Ima. Daddy says when someone apologizes and they really mean it, you should always forgive them. It's rule number 1!" She nodded for emphasis and proudly looked over at her father, seeking his approval.

Ziva laughed whole-heartedly and pretended not to notice when Tony discreetly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He then came to sit next to her, his side touching her side, as a satisfied Tali curled up on her mother's lap.

"That's right, we do." He turned his head to look at Ziva, his green eyes piercing through hers, making her forget the world around them and sending shivers down her spine and pictures in her mind of a life together she had never dared to dream about. "And when we do, we never look back. The past is the past. Good things await, it'd be a shame wasting any more time." He paused and gave her a second to process. "What do you think?"

Ziva bit her lower lip in a feeble attempt at trying to keep her composure but her heart was soaring too high and she was too blinded by the amount of love she was feeling that she didn't fight it when her mouth turned into a smile, then a genuine grin on its own accord.

"I think… I would really like to stop wasting time."

She saw her own happiness and hopes reflected onto her former partner's face and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she really, truly believed that they would, indeed, be okay.


End file.
